Continuing to Learn and Grow

I always find it so amazing that we as human beings are

ALWAYS

Learning, Growing, Changing and Making Choices.

I find it SO intriging that life is really

SO SIMPLE

and that at times I make it SO COMPLEX

Last night I was so excited to get these swimsuits I ordered.

Something just for me.

I haven't done that in a LONG time.

Trying them on, thinking I looked pretty good and

excited for my husband to get home so I could show him.

I have been working out HARD over the summer

and I thought I had begun to see some positive results.

Then I wanted to show my friend Leah who has moved home

so I had Brandon take pictures of me to send to her to show her...

He took the pictures and as I am looking at them before sending them to her,

I am in disgust as I looked at myself in these pictures.

Thinking,

"wow I must be blind if I thought I looked good"

and "ew, is that really what I look like???"

My wonderful feeling was quickly flushed down the toilet

and I was left feeling like crap.

Needless to say, I didn't send the pictures.

I don't tell this story for any kind of "nice" comments saying

I look so good "for having 3 kids"

or whatever might go through ones mind when reading this.

I tell it because after THIS experience I learned something from it later on.

I was watching a video on youtube and it

TOTALLY STRUCK me.

What is amazing, is that I have seen this video before,

but it always HITS me to the core.

I cry everytime.

I admire this woman so much and I am just in AWE of her.

I think part of it that really GETS me is that I am a mom too

and I put myself in her shoes and I don't know if I would have her strength.

I immediately felt almost guilty for having the "feelings"

I had last night.

How dare I get upset about something so trivial

when there are people out there dealing with things like this

with such grace and strength.

I feel like I need to be MORE APPRECIATIVE

of my body and what I have.

The abilities I have.

My health.

I am so BLESSED

and why don't I recognize that more often?

Why don't I remember the POSITIVE things MORE???

It's a choice and I need to

MAKE it.