Saturday, September 11, 2010



Continuing to Learn and Grow

I always find it so amazing that we as human beings are
ALWAYS
Learning, Growing, Changing and Making Choices.
I find it SO intriging that life is really
SO SIMPLE
and that at times I make it SO COMPLEX

Last night I was so excited to get these swimsuits I ordered.
Something just for me.
I haven't done that in a LONG time.
Trying them on, thinking I looked pretty good and
excited for my husband to get home so I could show him.
I have been working out HARD over the summer
and I thought I had begun to see some positive results.
Then I wanted to show my friend Leah who has moved home
so I had Brandon take pictures of me to send to her to show her...
He took the pictures and as I am looking at them before sending them to her,
I am in disgust as I looked at myself in these pictures.
Thinking,
"wow I must be blind if I thought I looked good"
and "ew, is that really what I look like???"
My wonderful feeling was quickly flushed down the toilet
and I was left feeling like crap.
Needless to say, I didn't send the pictures.

I don't tell this story for any kind of "nice" comments saying
I look so good "for having 3 kids"
or whatever might go through ones mind when reading this.
I tell it because after THIS experience I learned something from it later on.

I was watching a video on youtube and it
TOTALLY STRUCK me.
What is amazing, is that I have seen this video before,
but it always HITS me to the core.
I cry everytime.
I admire this woman so much and I am just in AWE of her.
I think part of it that really GETS me is that I am a mom too
and I put myself in her shoes and I don't know if I would have her strength.

I immediately felt almost guilty for having the "feelings"
I had last night.
How dare I get upset about something so trivial
when there are people out there dealing with things like this
with such grace and strength.
I feel like I need to be MORE APPRECIATIVE
of my body and what I have.
The abilities I have.
My health.
I am so BLESSED
and why don't I recognize that more often?
Why don't I remember the POSITIVE things MORE???
It's a choice and I need to
MAKE it.

8 comments:

Leah said...

K, I can't watch that video because my computer volume isn't working. I will have to wait until JD gets back with the laptop! But dangit, I was waiting for those pics ;) You are too critical of yourself. I think you are a total babe!! But I loved this post and your insight on things. You are great with putting your feelings into words.

Thank you so much for your help with my lesson! I knew I could count on you for some ideas... you are amazing!

Natty said...

i do the same thing, finding stupid little things about myself and being so critical,
but its nothing,and thats not what life is about.

Jen and Lance said...

Ash! your words are just what I've been thinking lately. I've been negative or stupid things and ungratefuk, at least you live as a selfless mom. And yes, Stephanie is quite the inspiration. You are silly, I'm sure you looked great in that swim suit, you always look great. Thanks for little nudge to be more grateful

Mendy said...

Thanks for sharing that seriously LOVED IT!!!

The Nelson Nerds said...

Sometimes camera's can magnify your image. there are some pictures of me that I look at and think man I am fat then others that were taken only weeks later and I think I don't look to bad. So I am sure it was the camera. It adds 10 lbs or more.

Adam and Brittany said...

I have never seen that video. Thank you for sharing it. Such a good reminder for us to be grateful for our blessings.

Spence and Aiona ... said...

I love this post. With the trial that I am going through right now, I have been able to step out of the things that normally affect me, and have appreciated my everythings so much more. When you know that everything good that exsists in your life is always in jeopardy, it helps you adjust your "gratitude meter" for all the many simple yet, grand things. Love you Ash..you are beautiful inside out!

jen hulet said...

I love that video. It really puts things in perspective! I think you are just the cutest, sweetest girl around. Just for the record I'm sure you looked great in your bathing suit..We have tendancies to be harder on ourselves. Love you!!

Our Famiily

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