Friday, March 25, 2011

Scared


I haven't been able to stop thinking about this.
I don't know why it has been weighing so heavily on my mind
But I have been SO SCARED lately of something happening to
myself, my husband or one of my children

It seems like more than ever I am hearing about little
angels being diagnosed with cancer or some kind of life altering illness
One of the parents (Brandon or I) getting in a car accident or being
diagnosed with a terminally ill disease,
I can't imagine leaving my kids without a mother or father
What about those freak incidents that you don't think will happen in your family and someone dies without you being on good terms or saying good-bye?
Even just something "bad" happening...
not necessarily -death- just something unfortunately unexpected?
My heart is so heavy
I mourn for these families who go through these trials,
my heart aches for them
I don't know how I would do it
I don't think I could do it
I know that there is a greater plan for us. I know that there is more after this life. I know that we will see our loved ones again. I am SO thankful for this knowledge. It doesn't mean I won't miss them till I see them again, it doesn't make it "easy".....I know I can turn to my father in heaven and that there are angels looking over us. I know that there are special people here on earth that surround us to help us through hard times, whatever the trial may be.
I look at these people who have gone through these trials with their children, spouse or loved ones, and I see such strength. I admire them for the way they handle their situation. I find myself praying for them and sometimes I don't even know them.
I put myself in their shoes and the tears just start rolling down.
Many times miracles happen and people make it out okay-
and what joy that takes place when that is the outcome.
LATELY I haven't been able to get this off my mind.
LATELY I cannot say enough "I love you's" and "Thank-You's" to the loved ones in my life
I DON'T want to regret any time with my kids or my spouse.
Even if NOTHING happens to them ever, I don't want regrets.
How do I stop worrying about the what-if's?
How do I stop thinking about something happening to my loved ones?
My heart goes out to those who experience pain and trials in all aspects of life.

I know that my savior has been through everything that we have experienced in our lives
He feels our pain, our sorrow, he KNOWS us
He KNOWS what we are going through-
Better than anyone else.

7 comments:

Kathy said...

I know exactly what you mean... One thing that helps me is to Live by Faith, not by Fear. So many things in this life we have no control over. That is where we just have to live by Faith. I know, I know... it's easier said than done. Just don't waste too much time on what could happen. It's useless:). Love you!

Crystal said...

So weird that you mentioned this because i am going through the exact same thing right now. Im struggling. especially when Adam has to drive to salt lake 4 times a week for work. Freaks me out! I seriously have been praying so hard to help me find comfort in this because it is making me somewhat depressed thinking of loosing my kids or husband or someone close... I just want to know WHY I keep thinking it over and over..

Leah said...

That is my biggest fear too. I just talked to my sister last week about this very same thing. She told me to live my life and not let fear of the unknown take over. Be thankful for the health that you all have now and never take it for granted. Sorry that you have been feeling this way lately. IT's so hard to be a mother and not worry about our families well being. Love you Ash!!

Mendy said...

Ok that post just made me tear up and cry especially when I came to the pic of the Savior such a great post I know I don't say I love you enough and I don't want to regret anything....This week has made me realize that you don't know when your time or anyones time is up and you can't take anything for granted....A little 4 year old boy drowned down here a freak accident and they lived by one of my really good friends....I can't imagine so I hear ya I am scared also but at the same time we just live day by day and soak everything up....and we are so blessed to have the gospel and the understanding we have!!!! Thanks for that post!!!

Ambo said...

I have had this feeling before, I had it when I was pregnant with Kaden and still to this day , i keep thinking that something is going to happen, with every cold he gets, I get the feeling that what if this is the start of something bad.. I totaly know how you feel... I guess we just have to put our faith in the lord and know that he knows our weaknesses and strenghts and he knows what we can bare. Thanks for doing this post,, makes life easier knowing that others think the same way you do, its MOTHERHOOD
Hugs

{lindy baker cakes} said...

Ashley,

First off thanks for the sweet comment on my blog. It made my day. You are so nice. Your little guys are absolutely DARLING as well and you are of course GORGEOUS!

Secondly, I completely understand being scared. I'm the biggest worrier ever. It's a good and bad thing. Good because it means that I realize everything that I have been blessed with and all I could lose in a blink of an eye, but bad because it makes me live in fear. I have tried to be better about living in the moment and being happy in the here and now lately and that eases it for me a little.

Thanks again for your comment. You're so nice!

Lindy

@manda said...

Ash I am sorry to blog snoop but I just happened to pull this up and read it. Thank you for this post. It was exactly what I needed today. Hope you are doing well. Your family is adorable. Thanks again.

Our Famiily

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